"Chasing Her Shadow": Chapter One

S. Meera

20 July 2008, 03:34

Shyamala woke up with a start as the phone rang. It took her a few seconds to realise where she was. The phone stopped ringing before she could answer.

She went in to freshen up when it started ringing again. She picked it up, knowing what to expect.

“Where are you! What are you doing there!” Ravi, sounding offended. She felt antagonistic.

“Have they come?” she asked, avoiding any direct confrontation.

“Of course, they have!”

“The food is in the kitchen. Heat it, if required. I think it will be warm still. If there is any special food that Mary needs, then please check with her mother. I have made some idlis for her.” Just words filling up the space that had come between them.

“When are you coming?” he asked, irritably.

“Do I need to answer that?” she asked, equally impatient.

“Come back here, right now.”

She ignored the tone. No point in fighting. “There are people waiting for you there. Attend to them. I don’t think they will need any provisions immediately. I have organised all that. The food I made should be enough for dinner.”

“You sound as though you are not coming back at all? What is the meaning of all this?” he was shocked, and mellowed down. “You don’t like their coming here? Is that it?”

She sighed tiredly. “You make it sound like it is not enough. Ok, I don’t like what’s going on. You either don’t understand what I am going through, or don’t want to.”

She was impressed at her own directness. Shyamala had never done anything like this before, ever, in all of her 28 years. But the pause at the other end was longer than she expected. Then, with an “OK,” he put the phone down, much to her dismay.

She lay down on the couch. She was confused. Was she harsher than she had intended? Is there a limit to harshness under the circumstances? What was happening to her? Was she right or was she over-reacting? How, over-reacting? Would anyone else accept what had happened to her? Hadn’t she taken it lying down for long now? Or, had she just been opportunistic?

*

“You are mature and can handle yourself,” she remembered her mother telling her several times. In fact, every time it was her need versus someone else’s. Just give in, adjust, cope… How she wished she could throw a tantrum, not give in. But, somehow, it seemed expected of her that she not demand. And she obliged because that was her nature. She preferred peace to a fight, and if that meant giving in, so be it.

This time, she had drawn the line to how much she could accept. Was this the right thing to do? Shouldn’t she have talked to Ravi first? Told him she would not accept it? Should she have given up without a fight?

Shyamala was a confirmed introvert; she rarely made friends and the few she had barely ever managed to go beyond the stage of being acquaintances. How had Ravi managed to penetrate that shell of hers? Oh, why had she let him! And now, when she would have liked him to save her from herself, she was alone. She had alienated him too. She was now tightly locked away from the rest of the world. Nothing, nobody need come in, she thought defiantly. All can be happy in their own little worlds.

Her thoughts flitted to Satish momentarily…where was he? Would it have been different if she had married him? Would this have happened then? At least, there would have been no past loves to give her pain.

Continued with Chapter Two

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