SAINT THOMAS, VERSES 103, 114
Mark Traill
16 April 2008, 07:50Check in to “Taj”, ironically named
A guest house, a view
Of a building that’s famed
For fleecing the tourists
Of western descent
Who care not for this scam
As they live in cement
I leapt inside a postcard
And found her palest wall
I have to stroke I must caress
The flesh of Mum’ Mahal
This pencil fails to recreate
Like his my love is lost
Because I tried
You all must die
And share in Jahan’s loss
Tommy is sick, Tommy is faint, Tommy still hasn’t heard from his saint
Tommy is horny, Tommy is stoned, Tommy has forgotten of Rome
Tommy regrets, Tommy despises, Tommy won’t hear of a personal crisis
Tommy lay’s down, Tommy won’t cry, Tommy is happy so long as he’s high…
Hit my streets, Taj Ganj
Shit, this heat expands
Score charas, poor grade
Hit my rooftop in the shade
Shit, I’m running out once more
Score again, evade the law
Hit the rickshaw, bookshop keeper
Shit, my credits running deeper
Score my headboard with my name
Hit my skull which knows no shame
Shit my innards down the pan then
Score again, Afghani man
Instant sprinkle, fingertips
Fan extinguish flame on lips
Blades move air like stagnant curry
A pile appears but I’m not worried
Dry breeze whispers, strokes my hand
Then laughs, and turns my bones to sand
So hot now I fall apart
schlop a finger, splat an arm
drip, a nipple, thonk, my head
Melt like ice cream, pavements red
Imbibed by street dogs that do lick
Streets of Agra drenched in sick
Decide to rest in luxury
And spend my visa card
I find a three star complex
My credit ratings marred
I’m floating in an empty pool
Allow myself one smile
The Imam’s prayer won’t reach me
I’m an adolescent child
The charas unravels and I’m not a saint
Unfeeling, despondent, a demon to hate
A smudge of a man and all I can do
Is smoke it and wander and ask “is that you?”
Not so important and “why am I me?”
But really I am hiding from Baba you see
Foreboding mosquito that sucks from my heart
He shackles my worst half, the un-saintly part
My plastic it pays for my shame and my fall
No dreams of the day to ever walk tall
Then stumble from three stars and onto the road
The boy was an angel and now he’s a toad
Sleep on bus
Can only just
Tap my foot
To Bollywood
Kuch kuch Hota hai
I’ve forgotten how to pray
No goddess north
Now worship thee
Manali gold
And long live me
My consciousness
Will manifest
In life’s karma
No god west
All its drama
Civil heathens
Gargoyles nest
Of wretched demons
In coaches, in trains, on platforms in rain
It preys on the weak and gobbles physique
I hate it, these cramps, I’m punching the walls
Frustration abound I kick in the doors
It’s got me, it owns me, a slave to its call
The monster inside me who’s learning to crawl
My patience no problem for something so cruel
My knuckles are bleeding, a hole in the wall
White out and dream of radiant stools
Snipped by a sphincter beholden with jewels
Ribbed torso reminds me of clear plastic bottles
That squeezes the mucus, my buttocks a nozzle
This liquid is brimming, the yawning of pan
I’m grinding my teeth, take pain like a man
Lose fluid so fast, and its all from the rear
This sitting alone I would piss in a year
I’m dyeing in Delhi, I’m so far from home
Was that a whisper?
(Did it say roam?)
I shave my beard
My head is weird
A skull beneath the razor
The tan rubs off
Like dirt I cough
My lungs that feel like paper
The hairs are growing
Inside my face
Red bumps that do welter
Translucent skin
Ingrained with sin
Confinement in my shelter
Uuuurgh LOOOOORD
It hurts no end
Who do I cry to?
Was it my mother?
Or maybe a friend?
Uuuurgh ALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Do you loath me?
Who do I talk to?
Unborn child?
Futures history?
uuuurgh JESUUUUUUUUS
Please relieve
Who do I beg to?
Ineffable something
I cannot perceive?
Uuuurgh KRISSSSSSSSSSSSHNA
Answer instead?
So many names
For a god with one head
This morning did kiss, the fallen Saint Chris
That dangles from my neck
I hope that he will come and care
And give my bank a cheque
Then after he will whisk me
Aboard his train first class
To heavens mountains yonder
Who do not care for caste
